But all told, the similarities outnumber the differences by a huge margin.   The first thing that strikes me is the familiar names.   I see, by and large, the same names, day after day after day.   This will naturally tend to dilute any meaningful conversations because as you come to know someone (as much as you CAN get to 'know' anyone on-line) you come to know who they are (or pretend to be) and what they think (or pretend to think) and slowly that leave little new to talk about.   The WAS a sudden boost in activity when AOL changed the maximum number of screen names from 5 to 7 - and these rooms were flooded for a time with activity from new people and the accompanying excitement about MEETING new people, but this soon gave way to the inevitable disappointment for finding that it was someone you already 'knew' under a different name - in other words the old  'OH!  it's YOU'

So, why would people come to the same place every day to have the same conversations with the same people?    Part of the human condition, I suspect.   People love familiarity.   There is, for example, hardly any exotic location one can visit, from Key West to South America to the Polynesian Islands where one will not find a McDonalds, a Burger King and a Subway .... and Americans flock to them in droves.  We like the IDEA of different and exotic, but when we GET THERE, we choose Holiday Inn and Arbys.   Still, THAT can be explained by saying that the differences and the changes in the exotic locales overwhelm us and we want, for a few minutes, the respite of the familiar before we go back out to explore the new world.   The same can not be said for chat rooms.   Same place, Same people, Same stories, Same Ideas.   So no ... this is something else.  But what is it?

Is it fear?    No one wants to admit they're afraid, but do we go to the same rooms because we KNOW what we'll find?  Because we KNOW that there's nothing new to assault our senses or our preconceived notions?   That's the sad end result .... but I don't think that's the reason.   In fact, the reason is even MORE sad ...... the reason is:

Acceptance ?

We seek out the familiar names and familiar conversations because we already know the people and what they think ... what the think about BDSM, what they think of life ... and ... what they think about US!   We don't want who and what we are to be challenged.   We want to be secure that it's OK to think what we think and to be who we are.   Saddest of all, is that perhaps what we as individuals NEED in our lives to specifically that - we NEED to be challenged about what we think.   We NEED to have our notions shaken a bit.    We NEED to defend who and what we are.  Why?   Because as we evolved from little kids, everything that we learned we learned either by example, or by someone showing us a better way.  As adults (and I use that in the most generic sense) we evolve by reexamining our ideas which is usually done only when those ideas are challenged!

O.K. We both know this isn't about YOU!   YOU come into the chat rooms just once in a while, just to catch up, have a few yucks and blow off steam.  Then back out to the real world to your life.   I never intended this to be about YOU!  This is about THEM - yeah, you know the ones!  This is about THEM!

So we NEED to have our ideas challenged and we WANT exactly the opposite:  To be completely accepted and never challenged which ultimately means that we never grow.   Now, on rare occasions, when an interesting discussion grows in a chat room, it is very possible that our ideas ARE challenged.  This ought to be good, but more often than not, it isn't.   The normal end result of a 'discussion' is people personalizing the conversation and getting angry.   Often times, I see the people speaking the loudest are the most insecure.   It would be nice if someone said something we don't agree with that our gut reaction was to think "I wonder why they think that?  How would adopting that idea affect me?" or to ask "Can you explain that in relation to this idea _______?"    but sadly that isn't the normal case.  More often than not, the person listening takes the statement as a personal attack, mistakenly 'hearing' the other person tell them that they're wrong or not what they believe themselves to be.

Take the case of the Safe Word

"A submissive that has a safe word is not a submissive at all, but is in reality in control and merely Topping from below"

Now ... that statement is 100%, absolutely and totally CORRECT!

Or .. is it?   Let's examine it for a moment.    In a 'scene' at a play party between two relative strangers, that statement IS correct.    And it SHOULD be correct.   In the context of the scene, two people have made an agreement to exchange services, each to give something and get something else in return.  The TOP has control of the scene simply by stopping any time he likes.   The submissive who is 'in role' has less ability (mainly because it's hard to walk away when your wrists are tied to your ankles and you're suspended upside down) so she has a safe word to tell the Top that she's not having fun anymore.

But that statement is EQUALLY true when in a long term relationship.  Or .... is it?   Well, that depends doesn't it?  If the safe word is a signal for the Dom to stop in which she is fully expecting and in fact DEMANDING that he stop upon command, then I guess it's true.    On the other hand, if the submissive's Safe Word is a mutually understood sign of communication to the Dom that she isn't having a good time and the Dom is free to proceed according to his goals (which very well may BE to see her not having a good time) then it's just that - a SIGNAL ... and not a command.

So the question ... what was YOUR reaction when you first read that?  

A) Did you feel I was wrong?
B) Did you feel I was attacking your submissiveness or Domliness?
C) Did you wonder "I wonder why he feels that way?
D) or did you say "That would take further explanation before I can understand it?"

Now we all know that YOU chose C or D!    YOU would never have thought B and we ALL know that answer A was incorrect!   No, YOU didn't choose B .. but you AND I both know that everyone ELSE went immediately to B!!!!!!!

The truth is that most everyone chose B before they even read beyond the sentence - most everyone naturally got defensive and decided that if Pig is right then I am wrong!    Well guess what?   Pig is right and you ARE wrong!   But MOST of you were ONLY wrong in jumping to the conclusion before thinking it through   (and psst!  Each of the answers and explanations that I gave have several levels of subtext and differences which I didn't go into).

Today, I was in a chat room and I mused out loud about why it is (or even IS IT) true that a higher percentage of 'submissive women' on-line are heavier than the percentage of the general population as a whole.   Whether or not that is true, or whether or not it's a topic fit for conversation, the primary responses I saw were along the lines of:

"I'm not Barbie, but I'm happy with who I am!"  -or-

Why are you against heavy women?

All of which are fine responses - IF IN FACT THAT HAD BEEN THE TOPIC.

So instead of chatting about whether or not it was true, or whether or not it makes a difference, it became all about people feeling attacked and feeling the need to defend themselves.

The point is that SDCR    (Serious Discussions in Chat Rooms) tend to unleash people's insecurities instead of unleashing the mind's potential to grasp new ideas and grow from the result..... so we tend to seek out not only happy chat, but FAMILIAR Happy Chat.

So .... is this a bad thing?

Again, it depends.    I spend a LOT of time on-line.   Way more than I should.   So do many of you - and we all have our reasons.     I do it because I have a company populated by minions who do my bidding and my job is merely to check in with them periodically to see that they do it correctly.    Having said that, I probably could have completed Law School in the time spent on-line in the past 5 years and were it not for my general disdain for lawyers and feeling honor bound to NOT swell their ranks, I would have done so.

Some others I know have the same rationale.  Doesn't make it right OR wrong.    Three years ago, I'd look at so many of the same people on-line for so long and see it as a bad thing for the world, with so many people out of the loop of production.   NOW, I see it as a GOOD THING:   The productive people of the world are now getting MORE done because people like US are out of their way!    But that's the world's good fortune.   When it comes to US, it still has it's pitfalls.  

Take the dreaded subject of the MUNCH:     Here's an actual conversation I witnessed last week:    {note:  In my area, the BDSM people have a munch in one town or another every week -   this is NOT normal ... do NOT try this in YOUR area}

8:45 AM  Wednesday

Person one:	We're looking forward to the munch tonite
Person two:	Me too!
Person three:	Yeah, it will be good to see you both!
MegaPIG:	Um .... wait, you're talking to each other NOW.   Since 7am and last night until 10pm.   And all day the day before.   What's going to change by 8pm tonite?

10:55 AM Wednesday

Person four:	I can't wait until tonite!   I haven't seen you since the last munch!
Person one:	Same here.
Person two:	I'll be there too!
Person four:	Great, maybe we'll get together!
Person three:	I can't wait to see all of you!
MegaPIG:	Uh, wait.   You're going to spend all day talking about seeing each other tonite?    You spent all day YESTERDAY talking about seeing each other tonite!

3:45 PM Wednesday

Person six:	I have to go now!!!! I have to figure out what I'm going to wear tonite!  bbl *****
MegaPIG:	What to WEAR ?????     Sheesh - in 4 1/2 hours I could MAKE something to wear!    And let me guess ..... it will be black?

10:45 PM  Wednesday

Person two :	It was great seeing you tonite!  I had such a great time!
Person one:	Same here.   That was a nice black dress you had on.
Person two:	Thank you.   Your black jeans looked great on you!
Person three:	I missed seeing you, two.   Why couldn't I find you?
Person two:	Dunno.  I was the one wearing black.
Person six:	I missed you, too, Two.  But then one and I were in a corner talking about the chat room.  Wondering when the next munch will be.
MegaPIG:	Did you leave the social early to rush home to get on-line?

9:45 AM   Thursday

Person one:	The social was dynamite last nite.  It was good seeing everyone.
Person two:	Yes it was.
Person three:	It was quite a turn out.
Person four:	Yes, it was good seeing everyone again, I can't wait until the next one!
Person five:	When IS the next one?
Person six:	No idea.  So far, it's been the second Wednesday of the month at the Fox Den for the last 15 years .... no idea where it will be next month, but I'll find out!
MegaPIG:	Yes, so much changes on-line and it happens so fast, we'd better nail this one down!

10:20 PM Friday

Person six:	The next social will be the second Wednesday of next month at the Fox Den!
Person one:	We're looking forward to it!
Person two:	Me too!
Person three:	Yeah, it will be good to see you both!
Person four:	I can't wait!  I haven't seen you since the last munch!
Person one:	Same here.
Person two:	I'll be there too!
Person four:	Great, maybe we'll get together!
Person three:	I can't wait to see all of you!
MegaPIG:	The Shallow End of the Gene Pool needs chlorine

Now, I've met some of these people in person - even spent time with them and they seem like nice people. {editor's note:  90% of the people who buy rifles one day and shoot people at the mall from a bell tower were thought of by their neighbors as 'seemed like a nice person'  caveat emptor} but they come into the chat rooms day after day, speak a lot about ... nothing .... except when they take the time to mention how empty their lives are.  Go figure.


Am I saying that chat rooms are bad?   No, not at all.   Just don't expect to meet interesting people there.  Interesting people will, almost by definition, be NEW people with DIFFERENT ideas and getting to know them would require an effort and a willingness to be challenged.  The minute "Mr. New and Interesting' understands the rules, he'll cease to be new OR interesting and become "Mr. Normal and Dull"    But he WILL be at the next social.     You'll recognize him:   He'll be the one wearing black.