I met this Great Guy Online .....
The other day I was sitting in a chat room watching people complain about all the brainless IM's they were getting and I started to wonder why it would be that way.   Why should such a medium with virtually endless possibilities fail to live up to it's promise?   Could it be that the sheer NUMBER of possibilities overwhelms us and we go brain dead as a defense?    Is it the amount of time on-line that simply dulls our senses (not to mention our sensibilities)?    Could it be that some people are brain dead to begin with?

I used to consider that as a negative – the sheer number of hours people spent on-line was detracting from anything more productive in our lives and in society in general.   Lately I've started to think just the opposite – that the more time some of us spend on-line, the more time we're out of the way of the people in the world that are actually working and accomplishing things.   Certainly the way some people talk and conduct themselves on-line makes me thankful we have prisons, so it may turn out some day, given years of hindsight, that the Internet in general and AOL in particular are good things.

Meanwhile, back in CyberLand, or as The PIG calls it SurREALITY, life [sic] goes on, jerks IM and much like the Seinfeld TV show an entire day can be spent doing, conducting and talking about ….. nothing.    A wise businessman once said, regarding sales "If you want to catch a mouse, make a noise like cheese."    Another way to put that might be to say:

If you don't want to get Cyber IM's, don't be a Cyber Moron

So what is a Cyber Moron?    A Cyber Moron is a person that, by their conduct, words, profiles or other things, intentionally or unintentionally says to the other cyber morons out there "I'm one of you! Please contact me!"

The following plot points come from a very BRIGHT ONE who has been around AOL and the Internet long enough to recognize crap when she sees it BRlGHTONE@aol.com    She's a smart lady and you should visit her web site.    For those that haven't already, here's a section that I repeat.   It's a section that is headed with:

Don't whine, Bitch or Moan about the kind IM's you get if your profile contains ANY of the following:

Unowned and/or uncollared slave/submissive.
Recently released.
Seeking the dom of my dreams.
I have no name - I am waiting for my future master to name me, or any variation thereof.
Brat.
Looking for a master to train me in the ways of submission, or any variation thereof.
On my knees, or any variation thereof.
Little girl.
Sassy.
Will you/can you tame me?
Any mention of sex, sexual positions, or anything even remotely sexual.
Slut, or any similar term.
My submission is a precious gift.
New submissive, or anything hinting of your inexperience.
Protected by "____." (If you need online protection, you shouldn't be online!)
Any whining about the "liars" who have hurt you, *especially* if it's more than one.
Any type of giggling.

EVERYTHING She writes is 100% accurate and worthy of consideration.    Moreover, if anything she writes isn’t self explanatory, you need to check your reality dipstick and perhaps top off the tank….. but I WILL comment on a few things in general.

Cyber Relationships

Meeting someone on-line is an OK way to do it.    As long as it’s a place to START a conversation that evolves into something more.   It is NOT a good place to develop a relationship. Few people would argue that there isn’t a chemistry between people and that chemistry is felt and measured by being in that person’s physical presence.   Can you get a SENSE of a person on-line? Sure. But is that enough to measure Chemistry? No.   Why not? That’s simple.   On-line is a TEXT based system where communications are based on words and sentences and therein lies the problem. Think about what a sentence is.    Is it a communication between us? Yes.   But it is NOT my thoughts to your brain.    Even right now, I am NOT communicating with you.    You are NOT reading my thoughts.    You are reading a sentence, a blueprint if you will that allows YOUR MIND to construct YOUR OWN picture of what it THINKS I am saying.    This ‘blueprint/construction” problem is what has confounded linguists from around the world since the beginning of language and as often as not, it’s the language that stands between people as a BARRIER as much as it makes a common link.    In other words, everything I write that you read is being filtered by your brain and is being tainted (not that the well is all that pure to begin with) by your experiences, your knowledge and more than anything, in many cases, what you WISH to hear.

From experience, you might notice that if a cyber relationship goes on too long with progressing to something more substantial, the reality tends to not live up to the cyber.   Why is that? Again, because your mind has added too much to the real picture in subtle ways that reality can’t easily undo.   Practically, if you meet someone on-line and it does NOT progress to telephone after a few days and a meeting within a few weeks, you have to ask yourself why something that seems so good DOESN’T progress.    Is it distance? It shouldn’t be.    Trust PIG when I tell you that the people from across the country are NOT better than the people locally – it just seems that way.    Is it schedules?    Well, if you want it badly enough, you can MAKE the time.    If not, stop complaining about not having a relationship.

Warning Signs of a Cyber Relationship

o If he cares AT ALL what you call him, as long as it’s polite, you’re in a Cyber Relationship.
o If he gives you little rules to follow about places and times to address him, you’re in a Cyber Relationship
o If one of his Ex Girlfriends IM’s you to tell you what a great guy he is, you’re not only in a Cyber Relationship, but most likely talking to him under a woman’s screen name. Put both screen names on your buddy list and see if they’re ever on at the same time.
o If he offers to officially be your Mentor or Protector, you’re in a Cyber Relationship
o If you feel the need to BE officially Mentored or Protected, you BELONG in a Cyber Relationship, if not an Institution of some sort.
o If you can’t get together in person after giving no more consideration to schedules than you would in seeing your best friend, then you’re both in a Cyber Relationship and at least ONE of you is married.
o If you’ve been late for work because you were talking to him on-line or left early to get home to talk to him, you’re in a Cyber Relationship.
o If you’ve ever turned down any sort of real time activity because you wanted to be on-line when he comes on-line, you’re in a Cyber Relationship.
o If you’ve ever been talking to a friend about “Mr Perfect” or “Miss Right” and you’ve responded to more that ONE of your friend’s comments with “But you don’t understand ……..” You’re DEEP in a Cyber Relationship.
o If you’ve ever been told NOT to talk to anyone else on-line or even a specific person, you’re in a Cyber Relationship.
o If you’ve ever been told to share your IM’s or Emails with him, you’re in a Cyber Relationship.
o If you HAVE ever shared an IM or Email with him without first getting the permission of the person with whom you had the conversation, you’re not only deep into a Cyber Relationship, but you’re immature, petty and to a point not honorable.
o If you’ve ever quit your job or taken a vacation for the express purpose of traveling to meet your Dom, you’re in a Cyber Relationship.

And finally, if anything I’ve written here has upset you or pissed you off, you’re in a Cyber Relationship.

Now …. what if you ARE in a Cyber Relationship?

Well, there is a school of thought that it’s sort of a right of passage – that everyone has had one or two, that everyone has had Cyber Sex and that it’s part of being acclimated to the On-line world.   If that’s the case, I’ll have to take your word for it.    It never happened to me, so I have no experience there.

If either of you are married and looking for this as a way to supplement something missing in your life, then have at it.    In The PIG’s opinion (also known technically as the ‘right’ or ‘correct’ opinion) you probably won’t find that happiness – but you might find a hollow semblance of that happiness for a while.    Further and more important, it’s not certain that you are ENTITLED to that happiness – because such happiness is usually reserved for the people strong enough to MAKE the hard decisions and live with the consequences of those decisions.    Weasels rarely get or deserve what they want. [editor’s note: We’re not talking about Ferrets or actual live WEASELS – we’re talking about PEOPLE ACTING THAT WAY! Sheesh – the LAST thing we need is to hear from the Genus Mustela AntiDefamation League]

So if you’re in a Cyber Relationship and you’re happy – knock yourself out, have at it, go for it {insert your own platitude here} – Just make sure you recognize it for what it is and don’t confuse it for reality.    On the other hand, if you’re in a Cyber Relationship and it’s NOT taking you where you want to go, then take BRIGHT’s advice first – correct your profile.    Then take The PIG’s Advice:

o To catch a mouse, make noise like cheese
o To STOP getting Cyber Moron IM’s, STOP acting like a Cyber Moron
o To have a grown-up relationship, start acting like a grownup.