This was, I thought, the most perfect and totally appropriate dream for a 6 year old boy. Upon entering the third grade, the school sent him to a battery of tests to which they routinely send kids, testing hearing, eyesight, comprehension, etc. The only test that caused any concern was that he was found to be color blind.
Which is not, as the name implies, the inability to recognize red from green, it's actually the inability to recognize slightly different shades of the same color when they're displayed in a spiral pattern. To me and to most men, this is an almost incomprehensible minor detail that we all have to live with our entire lives. Regardless of any testing or visual acuity, most adult, heterosexual men can't tell half of the color variants that the average woman seems to have a genetic predisposition to understand.
As evidence of this, how many men have had the unfortunate experience of returning from the paint store, after having been sent by Herself for off-white paint, only to be told "Oh Dear! This is eggshell. I wanted more of a `dirty linen' shade." And while we stand there, quiziccally reviewing the colors we were taught is school, those being the basic colors of Red, Green, Yellow, etc. and being proud of our ability to have learned the girlie colors of Amber, Mauve and even Teal, we are hit with colors we can't even comprehend, such as Sea Foam, Periwinkle and Chile.
From a man's perspective, it's hard to imagine the significance of this in the real world, where you're strapped into your F-14 Tomcat, one of the most potent killing machines on the planet, engaged in a dog fight with an entire squadron of your mortal enemy, when your Wind Commander's voice booms over the tactical frequency "Mace! (Yeah that would be your running name) Mace! Take the Perwinkle one with the Melon stripe! Forget the Seafoam one with the Mauve accents! Take the Periwinkle!!!!"
So, back to third grade, I'm not sure how big a deal it was that my main son was slightly color blind or that such a test needed to be run. What WAS more of a concern was that they school administrators felt the need to tell him this. Then, as if to console him, told him "it won't make any difference in your life and won't disqualify you from anything except maybe being a fighter pilot or astronaut."
And just like that, a six year old's only dream had been taken away and to this day, over 10 years later, the one recurring theme in his life is his reluctance to embrace any dream, fearing that it will suddenly be taken away, fearing that in reality, his life is not his own to control.
There is a magical age when a child needs to be protected from the outside world and it's pleasant realities, where they can be free to dream any dream they want and believe that all things are possible. The tough job of parent, the one that keeps you awake at night, is trying to know what realities they are ready to experience, realities that will teach them about life without robbing them of hope. But as we get older, part of our wisdom comes from knowing our limitations and knowing what dreams are within our reach and can bring us fulfillment versus what dreams are hopelessly impractical and continued striving will bring us only a lifetime of discontent.
At what age does a man realize that he's just not a Dominant? That no matter what he tries to say about himself and how he tries to learn, the instinct for taking responsibility for his actions and the actions of the others around him is just not within him? There comes a time when he realizes that taking responsibility for his actions and accepting the consequences often means being SILENT and certainly doesn't mean spending his time attempting to justify, clarify or otherwise explain his actions?
The answer of course, is `when he grows up.' For the record, being a Dominant is not something you can BE or aspire to be. It is something you ARE. In fact in many cases, it's something you CAN'T HELP but be, and often wish you weren't. It happens when you try as hard as you can, but realize that you just naturally feel that everything and everyone around you would be better off if they'd do things your way, and often realize that YOU won't necessarily be better off if they all do this. It's when you recognize that, no matter how hard you try, you CAN'T just walk away from a problem thinking "well, it's their problem, they'll have to figure it out (even when that may be the smart thing to do)." It's when you come to understand that, no matter how willing THEY are to participate, things are 100% your responsibility because you allowed yourself to be there and because you ALLOWED them to willingly participate. It's when something goes wrong (as they always do) and you keep thinking, in spite of all evidence, that YOU must have missed something, YOU must have not been paying attention ... that even when things spin out of your control, that it was YOUR fault that you got into a position where something COULD spin out of your control in the first place. And when you analyze every problem and every failure to insure that you've learned something from it ... so you can apply what you've learned. It's when you learn that you DON'T EVER make excuses. Once in a while you make 'apologies' .. but more than that, you do whatever it takes to make it right again .. and you SILENTLY bare the scars from when you can't. It's when you grow up.
At what age does a woman realize that being a submissive isn't about what she can get for herself in exchange for her `precious gift.' When does she admit that, in spite of everything she's done and everything she's tried, she just isn't STRONG ENOUGH to deny her immediate impulses in favor of a deeper search within herself ? It's when you learn that subspace is a drug just like any other or like alcohol ... that it's an immediate gratification for YOURSELF and that you do no man any favor by `allowing' him to beat you - he takes on an immense amount of work so that you can feel pleasure. The journey of submission is a journey deeper within one's self. When confined to a world the size and shape of a jail cell, with only a bed, some food and some water, only the very strongest woman can find that within that world, she has all that she needs to be satisfied and content...that she is her own best friend and her own, best companion. When does she realize that during parts of her journey, her "Dom" becomes but a fixture, a functionary that merely allows her to explore herself? When does she realize that until she finds what is truly within her and comes to terms with that, only THEN can she fuse her soul with that of her "Dom" and truly become his property? When does she realize that all she is, all she needs, and all she will ever be is already inside of her and must be found before she can bring value to someone else? When does she admit that she'll never find in another's heart what is not already inside her own? The answer is "When she grows up."
So.
When are you going to grow up?